Departure
by ChaosHat
Summary: Sakura has become an assassin for Orochimaru, leaving behind everything for one she *thought* she loved. With regret heavy on her mind, she will be forced to come to terms with her defection in the most heartbreaking way. Rated for lime and some violence.
1. Hands

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

Author's Note: I have to dedicate this chapter to Cataclysma. If I could award sainthood for patience, you would have a halo and a following of millions. :) Also, I apologize for the number signs. It's the only way I could keep things from getting squished together. If someone is willing to give me a tutorial on spacing tricks for FF, I'm all ears.

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Chapter 1: Hands

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_There are times when she dreams of drowning, and even more disturbingly of a mysterious hand clutching hers as the water sloshes over her head. The phantom hand is calloused in familiar places; along the thumb and spanning the inside arch of the palm. She doesn't know how she can tell underwater, but she can feel the rough skin and instantly knows that the hand belongs to someone used to gripping a weapon. _Shinobi.

_There is no light. She imagines it looks this way in the murky heart of the ocean. The chill of the water is permeating her skin and she would shiver if she could, but she is held immobile by the weight of the battle-roughened hand. A hand that doesn't seem to have a body attached, yet it is solid in her grasp. _

_Suddenly, like a crack of thunder in her ears, there is sound. There shouldn't be sound, not here, but she can hear them, voices distorted by liquid. They echo many leagues away and she wishes she could swim towards them. The hand is gripping hers tightly now. She tries to shake it off but finds that she still can't move. The voices become clearer. They sound agitated. One voice is decidedly masculine, but the other…her eyes widen, unseeing in the pitch-black gloom. She can hear them distinctly now._

"_Leave me. Leave me…Naruto." _

"_No." She thinks she can discern a swift intake of breath through clenched teeth. "Sakura-chan, you're hurt, you don't know what you're saying."_

"_I want him back, Naruto." Her breath is labored and her words are strained. "I want Sasuke…back. Please." _

"_No!" The voice yells and she imagines something soft touching her cheek, tracing down it like a tear tract. "I don't want to leave you. Do you hear me, Sakura, I don't want to leave you!"_

"_I…know," she hears her own voice say. It's weak and thick-sounding, as if she was trying to talk around a mouthful of blood. Of course she would be able to judge the extent of her injuries. She can tell from her own voice that she's lying. "It's…It's al-right. I'll stay… here." _

"_I can't." The voice cracks. "Please don't ask me to do it. I'd do anything for you, but I can't…" _

_In her mind's eye, there is a flash of Kakashi standing behind the orange blur of Naruto's stooped form. The copy ninja's mask is covered in shallow cuts. His mismatched eyes are gazing at her with unshed tears, impossibly sad. She's never seen him like this. _

_Kakashi's hand makes a quick swipe at his eyes, and then he appears at Naruto's back, his hand on the young man's shoulder. "Time's short, Naruto. If we're going to catch up to him, we need to go, now." His voice is weary. The image shrinks and disappears like a shade lowering, but the voices remain. _

"_Sakura-chan," she hears Naruto's sorrowful voice intimately close, can imagine he is holding her, that there must be some reason he sounds like he's crying. "Sakura. I love you. Always have." He's whispering and the volume is fading. Again, she imagines something touching her, the lightest press of warmth on her cold lips. "Please, hold on for me."_

_The hand gripping hers in the murk squeezes without warning, hard enough to grind bone. A gasp of pain bursts from her mouth, and the water suddenly rushes in, filling her up inside with liquid cold…_

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Sakura awoke gasping, her face pressed into the thin mattress. With panicked movements, she clawed at the twisted sheets and took a long, shuddering breath to fill her lungs with much needed air. Her eyes darted frantically, landing first on the window, the door, and then the small opened closet with a brief, trained flicker of her eyes. The breath sighed out of her in relief. Completely undisturbed.

It took a few moments to control her breathing, but eventually her heartbeat slowed and she felt more in control of her body. She unfolded her tense limbs and stood, walking over to the shuttered window. One rapidly performed hand motion dispelled the powerful seal protecting the room's only passage to the outside world.

She pushed open the weathered wood and peered out, not bothering to look down at the barren grounds. Instead she chose to gaze up at the mottled, cloud-covered sky. Another morning. She turned away from the window and knelt at the basin of water set in the corner of the small room. With little fanfare, she plunged a wash rag beneath the liquid surface, disrupting its smooth tranquility to cleanse away the lingering traces of her nightmare.

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Her hand had just fastened the high neck of her top when she heard familiar footsteps. Two seconds later, a soft knock broke the quiet of the room. She could recognize the measured cadence of that knock anywhere now.

"Come in," she called as she slid her feet into black sandals and knelt to fasten them.

"It's locked," a muffled male voice said from the other side. Sakura was completely unsurprised as seconds later, the door swung open.

She fixed the young, bespectacled man with a smile that wasn't quite friendly as she straightened. "Since when were locks a problem for you?"

"They aren't."

Her hands twisted and speared the pale pink locks at the nape of her neck with practiced ease. "What brings you here so early?"

The ashen-haired shinobi pushed gently at the glasses perched on the bridge of his nose. A telling gesture, but whether it was from nervousness or calculating deviousness, she couldn't tell. "You're wanted in the Hall," he said in his usual, silky intonation.

"Any idea why? Or were you too busy kissing his sandals to tell?" Strangely, she didn't receive the expected response. The barren walls of her room held more emotion than the stoic, blank expression on his face. "I haven't perfected the life-stasis jutsu yet. My chance at success in the Suna assassination depends on that technique. He _knows_ that."

When the medical-nin-turned-assassin continued to stare back at her, she resisted the urge to sigh loudly in his face. "What I'm trying to say is that I need more time."

Kabuto stepped forward, invading her personal space with his tall, lanky frame and leaned down. The soft fabric of his shirt rasped against the silk of her top and his hand, so detached from the rest of his stiff demeanor, reached up to gently finger a stray lock of her hair. When it slid back further to briefly touch her jaw, Sakura's eyes fluttered shut. Was this why he had appeared so early? Because he knew it would be the only time he'd have to--

"It's not a good idea to keep him waiting, Sakura. Collect yourself and be in the Hall in five minutes. And bring your supplies." Her eyes shot open as she watched him turn sharply to leave, his hand back at his side as though it had never touched her with gentleness that should not exist in such a cold-blooded killer. The door clicked shut behind him, and under different circumstances, it might have amused her to hear the slide of the lock being put back into place.

With a slow, deep breath, Sakura went over to the simple futon pushed against the wall and lifted the lumpy-looking pillow. She slid her hand into the pillow case and pulled out the two kunai hidden there. Setting the pillow aside, she got down on one knee and ran her fingers under the edge of the mattress, feeling for the handles of three more kunai and finally, the medical pouch she'd received from the Fifth Hokage on her sixteenth birthday. That seemed like decades ago, now. Even the face of her former Shishou was fading in the sickening dawn of her new life.

There was one thing left to retrieve before she made her way downward through the dank staircases to Orochimaru. She tugged the face mask from its usual hiding place next to her medical scrolls stacked in the closet. Stretching it open as much as it was able to avoid mussing her hair, Sakura slipped it down over her face and neck and tucked the edges beneath her collar. She told herself every day she wore it that it wasn't a tribute to her former sensei, that it was just a way to protect her identity from those who might relay the information back to the Hidden Leaf village. It didn't disguise her hair but though her unique coloring was rare in Konoha, it wasn't completely unheard of in other parts of the world. Which meant she could get away with it.

Besides, she was supposed to be dead. Not even ANBU was looking for her on account of Kabuto's next to flawless body cloning technique. For all that Konoha knew, her body had been taken back to her parents and buried in the Haruno family plot. Sakura Haruno was now nothing more than a name on the Shinobi Memorial Statue near the Hokage shrine.

Fastening her pouch across her hips, Sakura left the sunlit safety of her room and stepped into the cooler darkness of the corridor, bound for the Great Hall of her new master.

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"You certainly took your time, little blossom."

She remained silent as she knelt on the chilled stone, meeting the dead stare of the Snake Sannin. Considering the way he liked to turn her words back on her, she knew silence was always her best option.

"Kabuto-kun tells me you haven't been able to master the _chakra_ techniques he taught you. Forgive me for thinking it a little convenient when there are only three days left to complete the mission."

Sakura's gaze flickered to Kabuto standing beside the throne-like chair. The Snake's Right Hand looked as distant as ever with torchlight reflecting off the lenses of his glasses. He would be no help.

So much for silence.

"_Forgive me_ for not being able to master a technique that normally takes years in several weeks. I have tried my best, but I still need more time." It was hard to discern details in such a dimly lit room, but she was sure of the displeasure marring the perfect smoothness of the Sannin's eerily pale face.

She wasn't above punishment, but since she had sworn loyalty to him nearly two years ago, he had allowed her to get away with a defiant comment or two. She suspected that it amused him more than anything, as he often remarked that she had inherited Tsunade's spark from her time spent studying under the Fifth Hokage. From the almost whimsical way he spoke about her former Shishou, Sakura thought there may have been some sort of hidden emotion there, though it could just as easily be imagined. One never knew with Orochimaru.

"You leave tonight. As soon as the mission is complete, report to Kabuto. You are dismissed."

_Just like that._ Without even a thought, he could have easily ordered her to her death. She had known that he wouldn't listen to her, but that didn't make her any less angry. Still, if he thought his quick dismissal would keep her from remembering his promises, he was sadly mistaken.

"Orochimaru-sama. There is still the matter of Sasuke to discuss."

The smile he gave her was indulgent. "Very good, little blossom. Unfortunately, Sasuke-kun is not available to _see_ visitor's today." He chuckled softly at the irony of his statement.

"With all due respect, Orochimaru-sama, the outcome of my mission is unsure now that I won't have the time to perfect the jitsu," she rushed on as his mouth opened to reprimand her subtle accusation, "and as it may be my last opportunity, I would like to visit him. You did give your word."

"I have done many despicable things in my lifetime. Why would breaking my word have any effect on me?"

"Because my loyalty depends on your word." She let the statement hang in the stagnant air of his underground chamber.

"I can kill you and have Kabuto-kun carry out the mission." He said it casually.

"You could, but he doesn't know Suna like I do. And I doubt that Kabuto would look as good in a dress. Makanishi might be a pervert, but he does have standards. The only way into his room is to have him bring you there, and a henge-jitsu would just alert the ANBU and foreign-nin that you have something to hide. I'm the best one for this mission and you know it."

Orochimaru was still smiling as he crooked a finger at her. "Come here, Sakura."

Her heart lurched in terror but she rose all the same. She may have learned how to make eye contact with the S-Class criminal without perspiring, but rarely was she closer than a few meters away. Yet to disobey a direct order could easily mean her death. Not that she wasn't already going to die at some point.

Slowly, she lowered herself before him, now within arms-reach, her gaze on his cloth-covered knees. He made her wait for twenty-seven heartbeats before he said anything.

"Sakura."

Almost as if his hand was beneath her chin, her face tipped upwards to meet his reptilian eyes. And in that moment she was struck immobile, frozen in her sudden awareness of what he was: cold, pitiless, artfully nefarious, inhuman, a killer of all that lay between him and his deranged path toward greatness. In the still-cognizant part of her mind, she remembered this feeling as a child, during her first fateful encounter with the Snake Sannin, and she was just as helpless then as she was now.

"You really are just like your namesake. So fragile, yet so vibrant. A reminder of how impermanent this life can be if we're not careful." His cool fingers barely glided though the soft pink wisps of hair framing her face before they settled on her mask-covered jaw, gently, pulling her up until she was standing before him. Her eyes remained fixed ahead of her even as he tilted her head sideways and smiled wide enough to show fangs.

There was a rasp of breath on her shoulder—_when had he unfastened her collar?_—a tightening of fingers around her neck, then a sudden, deep pain that arrested her heart and caused her unseeing eyes to rapidly blink away tears. She could not move, could not scream, merely gasp as Orochimaru's arms folded around her and held her closer still. Deeper his fangs went, until she was sure they had shattered her shoulder and were making progress to her ribcage, all the while enduring the unnatural feeling of something chilly and liquid flowing inside of her from the wound.

Her heart was slowing. The dim lighting melted away until she was trapped in a world of darkness and sensation. And then she heard it, a sinister chuckle and what felt like a kiss brush along her jaw.

"My little cherry blossom. Sleep, and when you awaken, you will feel like more than yourself."

She could no longer feel her limbs or the breath filling her lungs, but pain, she could still feel the god-awful pain.

"Kabuto-kun," she heard that gravelly voice say, "Take her. Be there when she wakes."

"Hai, Orochimaru-sama." Was she mistaken? Did Kabuto's voice sound almost…angry?

It didn't matter, because in the time it took her to complete that thought, Sakura was already unconscious.

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When Sakura's eyes opened to blackness, her first assumption was that she was still unconscious. The surface beneath her was soft and yielding, such a contrast to the memories of numbness and pain. It was only when she forced a weak hand up to touch her neck that she realized her first assumption and her second assumption—that she was alone—was incorrect.

"How do you feel?" Kabuto's quiet voice spoke beside her in the darkness.

Her fingers moved slowly over the exposed flesh of her collarbone, feeling carefully for a wound that simply wasn't there. There was nothing unusual; her skin was clammy and sweat-slicked but otherwise completely healthy.

"I should have died from that," she whispered, slightly disturbed that the room was as dark as the black behind her eyelids. "What…what was that? Was it genjutsu?"

"No, it wasn't genjutsu." She felt the pull of energy, _chakra_, flowing through the air just as a flame burst into life beside her. Sakura squinted at the sudden brightness. The room she saw around her was small, a clone of the many rooms scattered throughout Orochimaru's compound. The lack of shuttered windows told her she was still underground.

"Are you going to tell me, Kabuto? Will he even allow it?" she asked bitterly, turning away from his familiar face. She wasn't sure she had the strength to rise yet, but she refused to flounder in front of him as she tried.

"I'm surprised you didn't recognize it. You've seen something like it before."

She was silent as she turned to stare at him first in confusion, then dawning horror. "You can't mean…"

"It isn't the same as Sasuke-kun's, but the same rules apply. Had you not been strong enough, the cursed seal would have killed you."

"That fucking bastard!" she burst out as she flung herself upright, trying hard to ignore the lurching protest of her stomach. "Why now? What could he possibly gain?"

He still wouldn't look at her, and it sparked her anger as it always did when he ignored her. "Kabuto, you're an asshole even on your best day, but at least answer my question. I don't have the slightest idea how to control a cursed seal. Adding an unknown factor into the equation makes the success rate of this mission even lower than before. Why would he do it?"

"This particular seal will heighten your abilities, allow you to sense _chakra_ in others better. It gives you a sensory advantage. It can do nothing but help you."

"But there is always a downside to his little gifts, Kabuto. I know what happened to Sasuke."

"Sasuke was different. He sought power and overtaxed his mind and body just to feel it. I think your sense of self-preservation is higher." He met her eyes then. She couldn't shake the feeling that he was leaving something unspoken.

"That still doesn't answer my question. He can't possibly be that concerned with my success on this mission. There's something I don't know."

"All is as I've told you. The mission is still the same and you have all of the information you need."

With care, Sakura gingerly lowered herself to recline back on the bed. The bright, _chakra_-induced lighting was starting to give her a headache. "Whatever. Is that all?"

"When you're able to move properly, I am to escort you to the dungeons."

Sakura tried, and failed, to hide her surprise. "Snake-eyes is keeping his promise?"

The look Kabuto cut her reminded her that he didn't approve of her nickname for Orochimaru. "You only have three and a half hours until nightfall, two of which should be spent preparing. I can allow you twenty minutes with him."

"That…should be enough," she said quietly, wondering if that might even be too much time. She was both anticipating and dreading her encounter in the dungeons. "It will probably be one-sided anyway. It always is."

She felt gentle fingers touch her temple, but she forced her hand up quickly to encircle Kabuto's wrist. "Wait," she whispered as she gazed up at his suddenly much closer face. She could see his eyes in high detail, a blue so dark the pupil almost blended in with the iris. "What will happen, if I fail? If I'm not killed by the Sand or Grass shinobi and I make it back here. Will you be the one to do it?" She didn't elaborate because she knew he understood.

His fingers were still touching her temple, but they inched downward a little. There…finally, an emotion she could recognize on his face, yet it baffled her. The half-smile he gave her was regretful, wistful even. "Would that make you feel better?"

"Yes," she said simply. She didn't hate him. It was something she had come to terms with a while ago, and connected to Orochimaru as she was now, she realized that she no longer had the right to judge. Whether for righteous reasons or selfish, they both made these choices for themselves. If she was going to die, let it be by the hand of someone who understood her choices.

"We'll see." His fingers pressed, and soothing _chakra_ flowed into her mind, calming it, relaxing her. She closed her eyes but did not sleep, content to lie there as she heard Kabuto shift back to his place against the wall. She would have to make sure to rise before sunset, since it was quite possibly the last one she would ever see.

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The dungeons weren't elaborate or particularly grim. It had surprised her that first time, knowing Orochimaru's love of dramatics. She had honestly been expecting blood-soaked floors and torture devices. It said much about the malevolence of the Snake Sannin's presence that he didn't need any of this to make enemy shinobi spill their guts, figuratively and literally. He was a neat monster.

The depressing appeal of the holding cells resided in the strong and virtually unbreakable seals barring exit, entry, and general tampering with. Not one shinobi trick had been successful in dispelling it, or so Kabuto had lectured her. Each seal was infused with the blood of its prisoner; even if the door was left opened, the moment the prisoner passed within the seal's range, he or she would be immediately drained of _chakra_.

Sakura watched, as she always did, as Kabuto broke a hole in the seal with a complex series of hand movements. There was still something that she'd been unable to pick up, because her own attempts at dispelling the seal had proven fruitless. Kabuto touched a hand to the door then took a step back, his face unreadable.

"Thank you," she said softly, though it was unnecessary. Why thank him for allowing her to see the incarcerated ex-teammate for whom she had traded her freedom? She shrugged off the feelings of gratitude and moved through the doorway, grabbing a torch from a nearby sconce one-handedly with her unoccupied palm. She heard Kabuto's deliberate footsteps moving away but knew he wouldn't be far. Sakura had no doubt that he listened to every word of every encounter they had and reported it all back to Orochimaru. Still, she could not hate him for it.

Sasuke sat on a pallet made of a single blanket and a pile of straw. His back was hunched in his dirty white tunic and the pale legs bared by his ragged pants glowed under the light of her torch. His head was bowed and his body was angled away from her, but she knew he would not be the first to speak.

"Hello, Sasuke." She propped the torch up on the wall and resisted the urge to rub the flesh above her elbows against the chill. It _was_ the lowest point in the compound, entombed in layer upon layer of stone. Warmth would never touch this place.

"It's been…a while, hasn't it? I've been a little pre-occupied lately." The water in the small bowl she held sloshed gently as she approached him, almost masking the small sigh that escaped her as her eyes traveled over him. Even like this, dirty, unkempt, defeated, his silhouette inspired a sense of awe. His head didn't move as she knelt beside him and set the bowl on the stone floor, but he complied and shifted his body when she pushed lightly on his shoulder. With slightly shaking hands, she began to unwrap the strip of gray linen covering his eyes.

"I'm going to Suna tonight. A mission. It's been a long time since I've visited Sand Country. I still remember it well though, the air, the way sand got into everything." Sakura laid the unraveled linen on the pallet and reached for the waterlogged cloth resting in the bowl. Infusing a bit of _chakra_ into her fingertips, she carefully probed at Sasuke's eyelids. That delicate flesh no longer echoed of the horrible jagged scar he had inflicted on himself, thanks to her diligent healing. The skin was smooth and pearlescent, and she paid homage to it by wiping the cool cloth over it again and again in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

"Open your eyes, please," she said finally and without a flicker of emotion, he did. What was once a hard, flinty gaze was now cloudy, dull, and gray.

"This may be the last time I'll be able to come here, Sasuke-kun. Most of the other missions I've completed up to now have been within the range of my abilities. But I'm not so sure about this one." She may have noticed a slight change in his posture, but still he kept quiet. She sent more _chakra_ into his temples, this time in an attempt to relax him.

"I don't know if I'll be able to keep my promise to you. If I don't come back, I don't know what Orochimaru will do to you." In the back of her mind, she knew Sasuke must be bristling at the helplessness she ascribed to him, but the truth of the matter was, he was blind and Orochimaru had only spared his life because she offered to trade her own. As he was now, the young Sharingan user was useless to Orochimaru, his eyes irreparably damaged when Sasuke struggled to fight off the Snake Sannin's Body Transfer technique. Such a drastic, violent action would not have occurred if Sasuke had thought he could win, but it seemed he would rather mutilate himself than let Orochimaru have his body before he completed his revenge against Itachi.

Sakura had known that dealing with Orochimaru meant there was a high chance that every day may be her last, but she hadn't felt so aware of that fact until now. What had she'd been thinking when she made that desperate plea almost a year ago? _That I could prolong Sasuke's life long enough to prove he wasn't as heartless as we all thought._ The small glimpses of emotion she witnessed during her brief visits to the dungeons helped a little, but their conversations were always one-sided and he had yet to present her with a heartfelt apology for all the agony he put her and her teammates through. Family, really. They had been more of a family than a team, and as such his absence felt more like betrayal than defection_._

She didn't know why she continued to come here, when Sasuke was as cold and self-absorbed as he ever was. Didn't he realize the sacrifices they had all made for him? Didn't he care that regardless of his motives, Team 7 had molded him and taught him how deep familial bonds could really go? Family didn't have to be about revenge and pain and sorrow. Why couldn't he understand that? Why had she given everything she had to make him see this when really, deep down below the trappings of honor and obligation, she secretly hated him for tearing them all apart, for treading so carelessly on her earnest feelings for him? Her sacrifices were meaningless. They were a mistake. _But Naruto would have done it. He wouldn't have hesitated, for any of us._

"You're so selfish…" She hadn't been aware that she'd spoken aloud until she noticed the surprise registered on his face. She wanted to feel embarrassed for showing so much emotion in front of him, when she had tried hard to keep it together in the past. But she didn't this time. He deserved to hear her anger.

"I know you don't care. You've spent you're entire adult life caring only about yourself. And why not? Team 7 just held you back. Those silly bonds of friendship mean nothing to an avenger." His eyes narrowed, and she was sure that if he'd been able to pierce her with that hard stare of his she would have lost her nerve.

"But what you _don't_ understand is the impact _you've_ made. Naruto is likely the strongest shinobi in the village right now. That bumbling, foolish, loudmouthed idiot of a boy has become a legend in Konoha and beyond. Why? What pushed him so hard and so far?" Tears. She hadn't shed tears since the day of her 'death'.

"You, Sasuke. You. He was always measuring himself against you. The arrogant, beautiful boy with a single-minded passion who claimed he needed no one. He saw his own loneliness in you and understood what you needed even when you didn't. And Kakashi-sensei. Do you know he vowed that he would never get close to anyone again after the death of his teammates? Yet he always dropped everything anytime there was even a passing mention of your whereabouts.

"You were happy on Team 7, I don't care what you say otherwise. Naruto and Kakashi-sensei were important to you. But you used us. All of us. That happiness never had a chance in the face of your revenge." The tears were running freely now. Gods, it had been so long.

"I know you never asked for any of it. But you have it. Even if…if we all aren't able to see it, we all hope that one day you'll realize that." She quickly scrambled to her feet, splashing water on the stone floor as she retrieved the bowl. His face had returned to its usual smoothness. It had been irrational to think that he would be affected by her outburst now, when he had so resolutely ignored her since Day One.

She grabbed the torch at the door and turned back to him, allowing herself one last moment to drink in the sharp angles of his face, the raven-wing hair. His eyes were closed now and he was clutching the dirty strip of linen.

"Goodbye, Sasuke." She made it through the door without completely breaking down but if she didn't leave now, she would never find the strength she needed to prepare for her mission in Suna.

"You…forgot," a voice hoarse with disuse called out behind her, and she froze. Sakura whipped her head back to face him, but he was already turned and settling himself on the pallet, his back to her. "To include yourself in that little monologue."

"What?" she asked in a pitch much higher than her usual one. But, of course, there was no response. Sasuke was not willing to divulge more and she knew from experience that any prodding on her part would be met with silence. With nothing else left to say, she left.

Kabuto was waiting for her outside as she nudged the door closed with her shoulder. Wordlessly, he took both the torch and the water bowl from her shaking hands. She glared at him.

"You could at least make it a little less obvious that you were eavesdropping, you bastard." She followed behind him as he silently walked down the hallway, up the winding stair leading away from the dungeons, and finally to a nondescript metal door in a far wing of the compound. He placed the torch in a nearby sconce and dug through the pouch at his side for the key. When he had the door opened, he gestured her inside the darkened room.

She hadn't really been paying attention, too caught up in her effort to keep from sobbing to realize that they weren't in the armory room as she had originally assumed. This room they were in would inspire claustrophobic terror in a lesser person, it was so jammed with scrolls and equipment and boxes of unidentified items.

By the time she turned around with the question poised on the tip of her tongue, Kabuto was already on her, his hands cupping her face, his mouth against hers. The force of his kiss propelled her backwards into a stack of something hard. She was overwhelmed with the suddenness and her earlier misery, but the insistence of his lips on hers made it easy to fall into the familiar rhythm. His hands wrenched at the fastenings of her top, nearly popping a button in his urgency, dragging the silky material downward to expose her chest bindings. Sakura felt the breath momentarily leave her as his head quickly lowered, his mouth seeking skin between the wrapped cloth, his teeth tugging and loosening until she felt the hot brand of his tongue against the peaked flesh of her breast. He was moving so fast…_That's right_, Sakura thought fleetingly, _this may be the last time…_

This was the true Kabuto. Not the wielder of smug comments or malicious smirks. Not the subservient kiss-ass that bent to his evil master's every command. It was this man who clung to her like he was slowly dying. This man whose harsh breathing in this tiny room was so uncharacteristic of the stealthy killer she knew him to be. He was rough and tender as he removed her clothing and pressed her back, uncaring of her fragility yet wholly invested in her pleasure. He didn't handle her like a piece of fractured glass and he didn't treat her like a weakness that needed to be protected. He took from her what he needed, and offered the same in return. _She was needed_. The way he surged against her again and again with his hand buried in her hair told her that she was needed. The way his fingers dug into her hip as he spent himself inside her _implored_ that she was needed.

Fingers smoothed over her cheek as their breathing slowed. He was studying those fingers with an intensity she hadn't seen before. Tears. More tears. Maybe this was the beginning of a new trend.

"I'm ready to die, Kabuto. I'm allowed to shed a tear about that, right?"

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Because I'm sneaky, you may see this chapter reposted a few times for edits, because typos make me crazy. Also, credit where it's due: the "neat monster" bit came from Dexter. Thanks for reading!


	2. Vigilant

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

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Author's Note: Hope I've made things a little clearer here. I know the circumstances surrounding Sakura's transition into Snake Eyes' service are still a little vague right now, but I promise it will be explained.

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Chapter 2: Vigilant 

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"Who would have thought that rough, boorish woman would ever get a man?"

"You just _know_ she has him on a tight leash. I can't imagine any man telling her to serve him wine!"

A chorus of giggles could be heard over the clanging of dishes and vigorous scrubbing.

"She won't have to, you know. She's Kazekage-sama's sister. That's practically a free pass to act however you want."

"And those fingernails! How can a man enjoy a woman with hands like that?"

"Kunoichi are just not meant to marry. They should get that through their thick skulls." All three girls hummed in agreement, but one laughed aloud and looped an arm around the brown-eyed girl next to her. The gesture reminded Sakura of Ino.

"That sounds like jealousy, Hana! Could it be that you have a crush on Temari's new squeeze?"

The other girl blushed. "Shut up, before Akako-san overhears us!"

"It's already too late for that, Hana. The whole kitchen can hear you."

The three girls cringed noticeably as they turned to face the matronly woman towering behind them. The large woman's clothing resembled the long, flowing garments they all wore; there was just a lot more material and a lot less tan, weathered skin showing. In order to fit in with the denizens of Sand, Sakura had been forced to tint her entire body with a skin pigment that Kabuto had concocted. It made her pink hair stand out in stark contrast but none of it would be visible under the many layers of veils she had wrapping around her face and head.

"This isn't a gossip party, girls. The guests will be arriving in half an hour. Get to work!"

The girls scattered like cockroaches at that barked command. From what Sakura knew about formal proceedings in Suna, meticulousness and orderliness were crucial, and servants attending any official gathering had to be flawless in appearance and behavior. Still, their need for order and ceremony could be their downfall. When Sakura arrived in the kitchens, before anyone had even questioned her presence there, a serving uniform was thrust into her arms and Akako bellowed at her to don it and appear with the rest of the girls in a mere five minutes. Sakura wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. The less she had to divulge of her cover story, the safer she would be.

Akako had given her orders to set the serving trays with traditional stone tumblers of Sand's best wine and she was doing that with forced gusto to avoid the domineering woman's criticism. A few years ago, Sakura had tried this wine, sitting between Kankuro and Konoha's Number One Hyper-Active Knucklehead Ninja, Naruto. She smiled to herself as she remembered his antics on that warm desert evening.

"_AHHHH Sakura-chan! Take it easy! That's not water…"_

"_Idiot! You think I've never had wine before?" She held up a disapproving finger at Naruto as she downed the rest of the tumbler. The Kazekage's brother, Kankuro, chuckled beside her._

"_Lady, you may be a poison specialist," the puppet master drawled into her ear, "but you've got no idea what you're getting yourself into with that wine there," _

"_Oh, please! You boys and your caveman inclinations. Women can drink just as well as men can. My Shishou can personally put away a few bottles of sake and still hit a fly from the air with a kunai if she wanted to!" To punctuate her statement, she reached for the decanter of wine for a refill. _

"_It's got nothing to do with—"_

"_Spare me, Kankuro. I'll be fine! I barely even…feel…it....*hic*…." With a vengeance, the room tilted on its axis dramatically. Sakura hastily braced her weight on her forearms, trying to blink away the sudden effects that had somehow snuck up on her. "What the heck…is in this?"_

"_The stuff that hangovers are made of," Kankuro said as he promptly removed the decanter of wine from her side of the table. _

"_This is terrible! Sakura-chan's drunk!" Naruto lamented miserably on her left, but she felt his arm across her shoulders, holding her up in case her uncooperative body decided to take a plunge into the table face._

"_Just hush, Naruto-kun," she murmured and patted the blonde boy on the cheek for good measure. He looked a bit flushed though. "Have you been drinking the wine, too?" Naruto shook his head furiously but looked away quickly. _

"_Maybe you should get her to bed, Naruto-_kun_," Kankuro said with a sly smile, pouring himself some more wine._

"_Maybe…maybe you're right. Come on, Sakura-chan." She felt the arm around her lifting her. _

_She turned in his arms, her hands framing the warm face etched with lines that resembled whiskers. "Naruto-kun is taking me to bed?" she asked with half-lidded eyes. _

_The boy's blush just got more pronounced as he sputtered, trying to respond. _

"_Goodnight, you two," Kankuro called after them, toasting them with his stone tumbler._

"Alright, girls! Get your trays ready and line up at the door!" Sakura nearly spilled the wine she was pouring. The commotion around her had reached a crescendo without her noticing. The guests had arrived.

She joined the scantily-clad women all dressed in white, balancing her tray of wine with a steady hand. In her opinion, the gauzy veils that hid their faces from view seemed pointless when paired with the clothing they were forced to wear. The skintight strip of cloth hugging their breasts and the low-slung pants flaring from their hips ruined any overture of modesty. Sakura wasn't about to put up a fuss though. Her state of undress only helped her cause.

Akako appeared at the front of the line with the air of an ANBU commander, stalking past them all and inspecting each girl with intense scrutiny. One girl's hair wasn't tucked into her veil properly. Another's hand was shaking under the weight of her tray and tumblers were swiftly removed to ease the strain. Akako passed by Sakura with a nod.

"Open the doors!" Akako yelled out in a voice that would shame Sakura's former Shishou. One of the guards manning the doors had been similarly inspecting the girls, but Sakura was sure that lust was not at the forefront of his mind. She recognized Suna's version of an ANBU tattoo on his right wrist. He'd been scanning the small crowd for secret jitsu.

The man next to him had a more relaxed air about him. After the doors were opened, he winked at a girl two spots ahead of Sakura in line. When Sakura passed by him, he winked at her too. She just barely refrained from rolling her eyes and settled for demurely lowering them instead.

They emerged into a room already full of people. This was not a gathering just for Sand elites and dignitaries. She recognized the faces of several heads of state from Water country, Earth country and Grass country. So far, the Kazekage and his entourage had not made an appearance yet, but they were due to arrive soon.

Serving was embarrassingly easy. She had gained much poise in her shinobi training. As a kunoichi, she specialized in the delicate role of a woman in society, which really meant that she could pour wine like she'd been doing it all of her life and bow low with her tray in hand, without spilling a drop. These things she could handle.

She made her way around the crowded room as quickly as she could without seeming unapproachable, searching the faces of every guest she served. People lounged on sofas, dined at tables set with an assortment of Sand Country delicacies, and stood in tight circles as they used the cover of the large gathering to discuss matters of state. They numbered at least three hundred bodies at Sakura's best guest.

Because most countries tended to stick with their own, she had no trouble locating her target amongst his fellow Grass councilman. Kabuto had given her a detailed description of the man, right down to his boisterous laugh and tendency to pinch girls' bottoms, both of which singled him out in Sakura's presence this very moment. A young serving girl was currently trapped in Makanishi's clutches, her tray teetering precariously as she tried to pull free of his restraining arm. Behind him, a small company of Grass shinobi stood at attention, watching the scene with a mild eye. Sakura glanced at the surrounding crowd as the man's laughter filled the tiny corner of the room. No one besides the shinobi was even turned in his direction, though she did get the general sense of distaste radiating from most of the Grass countrymen. Makanishi's behavior was an embarrassment to them, she was sure of it, but his high ranking status kept any of them from voicing it.

Her attention was abruptly pulled away from the scene when the large doors at the fore of the room slowly creaked open with the aid of several Sand shinobi. The chatter in the room died down as a ceremonial drum pounded out a measured rhythm somewhere nearby. Not wanting to lose her proximity to her target, Sakura shifted until she was able to see the entrance directly between the collective heads blocking the way.

It had been years since she'd seen Gaara of the Sand, now Kazekage, though she had never had much of a friendship with him. Though his usual detachment was a far cry from the homicidal demon retainer she had known in her youth, she had never felt completely comfortable around him, even after she'd had a key role in his rescue so many years ago.

"Announcing, Gaara-sama, Kazekage of the Hidden Sand!" The herald paused as he took another huge breath. "Kankuro-sama, Minister of Defense in Hidden Sand! Temari-sama, Minister of Foreign Policy and Diplomacy in Hidden Sand!"

Sakura lowered her eyes. She knew it was unlikely that any of them would ever recognize her disguised as she was, but she couldn't help being overly cautious.

"Naruto, Shinobi of Hidden Leaf and honored guest of the Kazekage! Shikamaru, Minister of Diplomacy in Hidden Leaf and betrothed of Temari-sama of Hidden Sand!"

Her head snapped upwards and the tray wobbled dangerously. Her luck couldn't be this bad. It just couldn't be.

Between the heads, she spotted them. The wild mass of blond hair. A flash of garish orange material as the group moved through the crowd. The high ponytail of a male from the Nara clan. They were headed for the Kazekage's table near the open balcony. Her biggest fear had been that someone in Suna would recognize her, but this had upped the stakes considerably. Any shinobi worthy of Konoha would recognize the Hokage's former protégé if she was exposed, and there was no doubt her life would be forfeit if she managed to be captured. By Suna or Konoha, it mattered little.

_But…Naruto… _No. She knew that even under pain of death, Naruto would fight for her. He would protect her with a new found vengeance if he discovered her and she could not let that happen. She would never put him in that position.

"Excuse me, young miss." A hand on her free arm surprised a gasp from her and there was a moment where she was sure the tray would go flying again. The man beside her was quick to slip a hand beneath hers. His speed startled her almost more than the potential calamity. Together, they were able to balance the tray without spilling too much wine. He let out a relieved sigh as he smoothed his ink-black hair slick against his head. He was a man of average height with neat looking round-rimmed glasses and the dark attire of a Grass civilian. He smiled at her, but Sakura was immediately suspicious of him. "Miss, there is a gentlemen in need of your services. If you would follow me?" The hand on her bare elbow dared her to refuse.

"Of course, milord. Lead the way." She knew to say anything otherwise would draw more attention. She would have to focus on the part she needed to play and wrap it up as quickly as possible to avoid detection from anyone at the Kazekage's table.

The man ushered her to the corner of the room where the Grass countryman had taken up occupancy. Most of the other men were still watching the procession of the Kazekage's entourage. Most, but not the man whom her dark-haired escort led her to, or his shinobi guard.

"Ah, here she is. Good work, Toshi." None other than Makanishi sat before her, his eyes twinkling and definitely not settled on her face. She'd thought her luck had run out, but it seemed that someone in Heaven was looking out for her after all.

The man, Toshi, gave a deep bow to his liegeman. With the briefest of nods to Sakura, he turned away and joined the conversation of several men to his immediate left. It was the best introduction she could hope for to her target. "Milord, what can I do for you this evening?" She made her voice low and inviting. She didn't have much practice with this kind of intrigue, but it was easy to recall the tone of voice she used when she was alone with Kabuto. Her experience with the arrogant medical-nin was her only guide in this mission.

"Ahaha, that is the question of the evening, isn't? What can a beautiful young woman do for any man? Come closer and I'll tell you."

Any woman with a sense of self-preservation would know better than to ever be lured in by those words. Sakura wasn't any woman though. She moved closer, glancing apologetically at the watchful men behind him, and leaned her ear down towards his mouth. He smelled heavily of Suna's wine.

The things he whispered to Sakura were utterly dirty. Much more graphic than she had ever heard from Kabuto in the heat of the moment. She didn't have to fake the blush that bloomed on her cheeks or her uncomfortable shift. This man was definitely a sexual deviant. She had been under the impression that he was more like the Toad Hermit, Jiraya, but Makanishi made Jiraya look like a celibate monk in comparison.

The pervert in question laid slightly damp hands on the exposed skin of Sakura's waist, squeezing, and Sakura had never missed the weight of a kunai in her hand as much as she did then. It was maddening, even, to feel the hidden, flesh-warmed metal of one pressing against her inner thigh as Makanishi's beefy arms pulled her closer. She could do away with this man's life in literally one beat of Suna's ceremonial drum if she chose. Of course, she couldn't, not yet.

"A jittery little thing, aren't you?" Sakura fought to relax against him. Her body's natural fight-or-flight instinct might give her away if she wasn't careful. Still, what had he expected her reaction to be when he said something like _that_?

"I'm sorry, milord. I just didn't know people said these things outside of the bedroom," she said demurely, biting her lip with her eyes cast downwards.

She heard the low male chuckle before she felt a knuckle nudge at her linen-swathed chin, prompting her green eyes to meet the wide set russet gaze of Makanishi. He thought he had her now, and he was right, but he didn't suspect the deception was on her side.

"You're certainly right, my dear. Let's correct that, shall we?" Makanishi stood quickly and removed the tray balancing on her hand. He set it haphazardly on a nearby table and it would have fallen, if not for the quick reflexes of one of the Grass shinobi. Sakura murmured an apology, but Makanishi grabbed her now empty hand and pulled her forward, stopping only to whisper in Toshi's ear before he began leading her through the crowded room toward the exit.

Sakura couldn't help it. As they passed near the raised platform of the Kazekage's table, she chanced a glance at the group assembled there. The fan-wielding kunoichi Temari and the ever-passive Shikamaru were sitting side by side, their faces clearly pretending that it wasn't a big deal. Though, the way they were turned towards each other, hands interlaced, suggested otherwise. Beside them, Gaara of the Sand sipped at something quietly, ignoring his brother Kankuro as the bigger man gestured wildly as he spoke. Sakura remembered Kankuro's propensity for dirty jokes and she could imagine that he still hadn't given up his goal of getting a smile out of the Kazekage. Next to him…Sakura's eyes widened.

What had once been a boy more vibrant and earnest than anyone she'd ever known, was now just another jaded, bored gaze, staring out at the crowd with lifeless blue eyes. His hair was longer, but everything else about him was the same; the orange and black jacket opened at the neck to reveal his black mesh shirt and the glint of Tsunade's pendant. His face had the same familiar whisker-like markings and the Konoha headband still graced his forehead like the badge of honor it was. But his mouth was set in a hard line she had never seen before. Not even after his first real fight with Sasuke, when the other boy had left Naruto unconscious and bleeding to become a missing-nin, had she seen anything like the expression he had on his face now.

A tug on her arm unbalanced her, and she realized then that she had stopped walking to stare at her former teammate. Ahead of her, Makanishi was looking back with curiosity and a hint of impatience. She blinked, remembering herself, and started forward once more.

As she was pulled completely past the table, she turned her head for one last fleeting look…and caught Naruto's gaze purely on accident. Their eyes connected for only a few seconds before a head blocked her view, but in that short time period she saw a spark of _something_ in the blond shinobi's eyes. Something not dead and lifeless. Maybe he was just comparing the color of a passing servant girl's eyes to that of his dead, beloved teammate. Maybe he was slightly offended by the way Makanishi was yanking her behind him, the lecherous man's intentions clear to anyone who saw them.

Or maybe he recognized her somehow underneath her disguise.

Whatever the reason, Sakura looked away as quickly as she could. They were almost to the doors and Makanishi seemed as eager as she was to be rid of their audience. She spotted Akako talking to the guards stationed at the exit, but the woman barely acknowledged her as they passed. Apparently, a man like Makanishi escorting a servant to his private chambers was common enough.

The hallways were cooler than the people-packed room they left. Sakura allowed Makanishi to guide her but she knew the guest wing of the Kazekage's palace fairly well. Surreptitiously though, she looked behind them. A single Grass shinobi followed them, hanging back far enough to give them the illusion of privacy. It was just as Kabuto had told her.

There were a great many guest rooms here, but only the most important dignitaries were allowed to stay in the palace. Makanishi's room was at the very end of the wing, a testament to his importance. He produced a key after some muttering and fumbling through the various folds of his clothing. Once he had it clutched between his meaty fingers he opened the door quickly, dragging Sakura inside and practically throwing her into the room before he locked it behind them.

She caught her balance on the back of a silk lounge chair and looked back at him over her shoulder in irritation. His russet eyes glowed at her in the moonlight filtering in. She knew from experience that Suna's nights got very cold but as it was still early evening, the light breeze she felt from the open windows at her back was warm. In spite of that, if she had been a normal woman, the expression on Makanishi's face might have chilled her. It told her in no uncertain terms that she was in very real danger of loosing her virtue, if she still had it, and not in a sweet and tender way.

"Finally," he said with his back to the door and a fierce smile spreading his lips wide. His eyes were already greedily roaming her body. He kept a slow, predatory pace as he moved towards her, and Sakura dug her fingers into the chair behind her. It was time.

She didn't give him the chance to reach her. Rushing forward, it took three separate jabs at the chakra points controlling his nervous system to freeze him where he stood. He gasped softly at the first hit, but seconds after the last, he dropped like a stone into Sakura's waiting arms.

She carefully laid him on the marble floor and took a moment to concentrate. Swiftly, her fingers flew into the handseals she needed, summoning the delicate balance of _chakra_ and life force it took to perform the newly-learned technique. Her hands glowed with infused energy, but it was volatile and unstable. It felt like fire on her skin. She quickly laid her hands on Makanishi before she could lose control of it and felt the energy leaving her fingertips, burrowing deep into his body. It would only last for eleven minutes, but that should be all that she would need.

She slid her hand up one white pant leg and pulled out a tiny glass tube, fitted snugly beside the hidden kunai strapped to her thigh. "Alright, Makanishi," she whispered quietly to the man blinking up at her in shock and perhaps a little pain. "Your days of subjecting women to quite possibly the worst pick-up lines ever, are over." Sakura was confident that the heavy doors of the guest room would muffle most loud noises, but she still paused for a moment to listen for an outside presence. The Grass shinobi would be hovering by the door, listening intently for a struggle of some kind, but Sakura knew from experience that the walls and door of the guest room were practically sound-proof.

Focusing her chakra into a scalpel-sharp point on one finger as Kabuto taught her, Sakura quickly punctured the man's neck and covered the wound opening quickly with the glass tube. Makanishi choked a little, but it would take a very long time for him to bleed out completely from such a tiny wound.

When enough blood filled the tube, she used her finger as a plug and channeled healing chakra into the wound, slowing down the flow of blood and knitting the torn flesh. "Can't have anyone figuring out what I've done," she said to him conspiratorially. "At least not this part."

When he was healed, she wiped her fingers and the rim of the tube on the end of his tunic and tucked the tube back under her pant leg. She then slid out the kunai.

"And now for the finish," she whispered, and centered the kunai on his chest. Kabuto's intelligence had been detailed and thorough. For whatever reason, Makanishi's blood was precious, both to Grass country and to Orochimaru. She wasn't privy as to why, but her mission had been simple: seduce Makanishi, gain a viable sample of blood, end his life, and secure her escape. The escape part would be the difficulty.

Somewhere on Makanishi's person resided a seal, and this seal informed its creator of the Grass dignitary's location at all times and regularly monitored his vital signs. It was more than likely that the shinobi waiting outside the door was the originator of the seal; though her initial attack put Makanishi's body in stasis. Because he had yet to burst into the room in alarm, it looked as though it was working. She was relying on her technique to last long enough for her to vacate the premises. If successfully held, the Grass shinobi would not know of Makanishi's death until she was halfway to the border. But if it didn't…

She inhaled slowly, raising the kunai for its inevitable plunge—and faltered as she heard a commotion outside the door. Even through the sound-proof stone, it was still audible. She listened carefully, trying to decipher what was going on when the door abruptly swung open.

From her position, the firelight from the hallway braziers cast the figure in high relief. She couldn't see his face at first. But then he stepped forward into the graying light of the moon, and his blond hair gleamed silver. Blue eyes pinned her where she knelt over Makanishi, her kunai still raised.

"You…" was all the warning she got before Naruto catapulted forward and grabbed her by the shoulders. The kunai was mashed between them. She was too shocked to move or protest; she felt strangely numb inside, and completely disconnected from the moment. This wasn't happening. Naruto wasn't here, his face feral, his grip bruising, and he wasn't staring at her like he knew exactly who she was. No, this couldn't be real.

"Sakura! Sakura-chan…it's you, isn't it?" His hands released her shoulders only to tear off the swathing of veils and hold her stunned face close for his inspection. "It is…" he breathed. His forehead fell forward to touch hers, his eyes closing. "I didn't believe it, but I had to see. I had to make sure."

His eyes opened then. They shone with intensity as he pulled back just enough to meet her gaze while still cupping her face. "How, Sakura?" His gaze flickered to the man laying on the floor between them. "You came here to kill him, didn't you?"

It was too much for Sakura. She'd remained silent since he had burst into the room, still rocked to her very core by his presence, but now the consequences were starting to rocket to the fore of her mind. He knew she was alive, and now Sasuke's life was in danger. He would seek her out at Orochimaru's hide out. He would prevent her from leaving _now_. Instinct or desperation—Sakura wasn't sure which—propelled her into sudden motion. She used the arm between them to force Naruto away from her and leapt backwards, holding the kunai defensively.

Naruto stood carefully in response, his hands held up in entreaty, his face pleading. "No, please don't, Sakura. I just want to talk. I don't care what happened, or why, I just want you to—No! Wait, Sakura!"

She was sprinting to the open windows and crouched on the sill before he even finished, poised to jump. Her vision was blurry and she knew she was crying. But she couldn't let him come any closer. Didn't he understand? It was better for him to think her dead than to discover what she had become. _For Sasuke._

Her life belonged to Orochimaru now and the crimes she had committed in his name would forever stain her. There was no going back to Konoha, now. Not for her, or for Sasuke.

"Goodbye, Naruto," She said with her back to him, and jumped out the third-story window. Her hair streamed behind her as she fell and she heard her name echo repeatedly behind her, but she would not slow, and she would not think until she was far, far away.

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Naruto streaked forward to climb up onto the window sill, intent on pursuing the pink-haired woman who meant more to him than any dream he had aspired to. He didn't get far as a restraining arm pulled him back and toppled him to the floor. He whirled to face Shikamaru, unaware that his eyes were bleeding red malice. "What are you doing? I have to go after her!"

Behind him, Gaara entered the room, flanked by Temari and Kankuro. The jade-eyed man stared seriously at him. "Who, Naruto?"

"Sakura!" All but the Kazekage gasped in open shock.

"She's alive? Was she the one who…" Shikamaru trailed off, as he took in the Grass councilman who lay unmoving on the floor. "Is he dead?"

Kankuro knelt at the man's side and put two fingers to his neck. "His heart beat is slow. He looks like he's been paralyzed, but he's alive."

"I don't care! We need to go after her now, Shikamaru. If we waste too much time here, we'll lose her."

The Nara genius softened his gaze and put a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "I understand, Naruto. But we don't know her circumstances. She was never declared a missing-nin. Everyone thought she was dead. If we capture her now, we'll have to take her back to Konoha with us to face the Hokage. Is that what you want?"

"We can't just let her go. Something's happened that made her hide. That made her allow us to think that she…" Naruto swiped at his tears. "We can't let her go, Shikamaru."

"Alright then. Let's go after her." Without another word, both men were out of the window in the space of two heartbeats.

"The guard, I wonder, did she take him out too?" Temari was standing by the door, toeing the unconscious Grass shinobi sprawled on the floor.

"Who knows?" Kankuro grumbled. "Gaara, are you okay with all this?" He leveled a grimace at the Kazekage. "She tried to kill one of our guests. Not only is that a transgression against us, but against Grass country as well. As soon as they find out about this, they are going to blow it up, big time."

"I won't interfere with Naruto's actions for the moment," the Kazekage said in response. He was still staring out the window as if he could still see the two Leaf shinobi. "He's…unstable. But we have to inform Grass."

"Fine," Kankuro sighed. "Let's get some of his own men to move him. We don't need another strike against us." The trio gave Makanishi's prone body a wide berth as they left the room, closing the door behind them.

In the far corner of the room, a shadow slid down the wall and settled silently on the floor. As it came forward, it took on the shape of a man, though the light only seemed to reach two, reflecting disks situated on its face. Glasses.

The Grass dignitary, Makanishi, was slowly starting to regain feeling in his limbs, but now he was faced with an urgency to move before the approaching dark figure reached him. He could see the glint of white teeth as it got closer.

"Nggh…n-nngh!" Makanishi tried to call out, but a hand descended onto his mouth, muffling his protests. The cool slick of a blade pressed into his throat and the shadowed figure leaned forward.

"The end," it whispered, and parted the flesh of Makanishi's neck in a spray of blood.

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Please review! :) I'd like to know how I'm doing with this since this is my first Naruto fic.


	3. Pulse

Disclaimer: Uh-uh, not mine.

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Author's Note: You know how sometimes things just won't come together no matter how hard you try? I had this chapter written for a while, but it just didn't want to flow and I'll admit the characters kept running away from me and doing what they wanted. So I humbly apologize for the delay, but as there is no real way to let you know all of this until I update, I guess I'll just offer this chapter as a peace offering.

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Chapter 3: Pulse

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She was eighty paces from the dry river bank that separated Wind from River Country when she felt the vibrations of two separate pairs of feet.

The terrain had changed drastically from the bleached dunes and spiny foliage that surrounded Suna; now she was fleeing over upturned logs and rotting leaves. The forests in River weren't at all like Konoha's. Konoha's forests had a lush, vibrant quality to them. Even the wildlife there was atypical and larger than life. Here, so close to the border of River, the faint swampy smell prickled her nose and reminded her to keep an eye open for suspicious-looking mud and seemingly placid water. The ground was known to be riddled with patches of quicksand and the water contained aquatic predators and ensnaring vines that would drown even the best swimmer. Everything in River seemed to suck down its visitors with vicious enthusiasm.

Sakura had learned how to avoid all of the natural traps in the two years she had served under Orochimaru, but she wasn't certain she would be able to focus on that _and_ escaping her pursuers.

That she hadn't even noticed them when she left the Kazekage's palace was a testament to just how shaken she'd been. She was so preoccupied with _not_ thinking that she hadn't thought to check behind her until the cool night air whipping past her had completely dried her tears and cleared her head. She shouldn't be surprised though. After all, she had tried to assassinate someone inside the palace walls. _Tried_ being the operative word here.

She slowed her pace, refusing to acknowledge the ache in her knees as she sprung from the ground and into the moonlit trees soundlessly. Her hand caught a low, thick branch and using her momentum she swung herself upwards until her feet were planted firmly beneath her, leaning against the ancient trunk of the tree to scan the terrain.

Even if she frantically tried to outrun them, any decent shinobi with basic tracking skills would follow her all the way back to Orochimaru's compound. She didn't have a lot of options here. Her chakra was waning considerably after the life-stasis jutsu she'd performed on Makanishi and fleeing at full-speed for an hour and a half made her limbs more sluggish than usual. Either she diverted their attention, or she met them head on.

Her hands came together into the familiar seals, seals she had seen a thousand times as a member of Team 7. Feeling the drain of precious chakra, Sakura watched her shadow clone poof into existence, haggard-looking and almost unrecognizable in the dirty white servant clothes. She didn't want to look at it for too long. "Go on," she told it quietly, and without a word her double vaulted the sizable distance to the next tree and dropped down out of sight into the darkness below.

Satisfied, she turned to leap in the opposite direction—and had her kunai out and glinting before she even recognized her body's natural instinct.

In front of her stood a figure in black. Dark hair, slender build, glasses. A frown of genuine confusion appeared on Sakura's face as the details melded together in her mind. The man from the party…Toshi?

"I'm disappointed in you, Sakura. Sending a shadow clone to fool a shadow clone master? You really think he'll fall for that?" That voice…dry, admonishing…

The arm holding the kunai dropped marginally. "Kabuto?"

As she said it, the ink black hair and starkly pale skin of the man before her slid away like a wash of paint thinner on canvas, revealing a face she had grown to tolerate, if not completely accept. His pale gray hair and flawless skin glowing ethereally in the moonlight gave her a little relief, but her heartbeat remained unsteady.

"How—" she stopped when he put a finger to his lips. His face was expressionless, but his eyes reminded her of that moment after Orochimaru had forced the cursed seal on her. There was more beneath the surface, something important and vital, but it wouldn't be said now. Kabuto liked his secrets.

He stepped toward her then and put firm hands on her shoulders, walking her backwards until she felt the bark of the tree digging into her back. She met his gaze, her mouth desperate to form the words to question him.

His head lowered and settled into the crook of her shoulder. The embrace was strangely cold. "Shh," he whispered into her ear and, as if that utterance activated the jutsu, the wall of bark behind her suddenly softened to the consistency of clay. She had no time to protest as it molded around the press of her body and, alarmed, she jerked against him and grabbed his wrists.

He kept moving forward anyway, ignoring her distress until they were both encased in the utter darkness of the soft, waxy substance. It was claustrophobic and she couldn't seem to hear anything but her heart racing. She could move her limbs, though she wasn't keen on feeling that tacky substance against her skin. She knew her arms would start to ache in this position, so she grimaced as she slid them up to wrap behind Kabuto's neck, squeezing with just a hint of her chakra-enhanced strength in petty retaliation.

"Listen," he murmured, and after a moment she heard the distant tap of feet hitting wood. One set was going much faster than the other. She didn't voice it, but she knew who it was. She could feel the massive chakra moving through space like a deployable explosive, fierce and steadfast on the surface with a dark and malignant flavor tainting the purity beneath it all. She could almost taste it, like a wine rolling about her tongue. She blinked in shock.

The tap-tap of feet grew louder until it stopped suddenly…right on their tree branch. Her pulse beat a staccato rhythm beneath her skin, but the thump of Kabuto's heartbeat against her chest was steady, calm. _Like a true shinobi_, she told herself reproachfully. It centered her a little.

"The trail ends here." Outside, Shikamaru's voice was muffled and low, but there was no mistaking it. He sounded winded though. "It's obvious she's headed for Rain. It's the only logical place to go and her clone is heading in the opposite direction to distract us. Not very inventive though and not at all like Sakura, really."

"She left in a panic," Naruto's voice said. He didn't sound the least bit tired. "The way she looked at me before she jumped…I don't think she's thinking clearly. She's letting her emotions get in the way."

"You should talk…" she heard Shikamaru grumble. The blond shinobi must have been preparing to leave, because Shikamaru called out, "Wait, Naruto." There was a pause. Sakura would give anything to see what Naruto's face looked like at that moment, but at the same time, she wasn't sure she would be able to handle it.

"Are you really positive you want to do this? I understand why, but think about it. It won't matter what connection she has to the Hokage. If she's not dead, then logic says she turned against her village for her own agenda. Tsunade-sama will have to try her for treason. If we find her now and don't bring her back with us, we could be accused of the same thing."

Naruto's husky voice was wary. "What are you saying, Shikamaru?"

Sakura heard Shikamaru sigh, possibly in frustration. "I'm saying that maybe we don't find her tonight. Maybe we decided that we needed to contact Konoha before we pursued."

"Shikamaru, I _have _tofind her. I have to." Suddenly, Sakura's heart lurched unnaturally, and she dropped her head on Kabuto's chest as she tried to keep her gasping quiet.

"I'm not saying you can't," Shikamaru was countering, "I'm just saying that maybe now isn't the best time. Grass is going to be looking for blood after this. Tsunade-sama won't be able to ignore that."

There was a long silence. Neither of the figures made any rasp of movement. Sakura thought they might be able to detect the frantic heartbeat in her chest, but no matter how she tried to calm it, it wouldn't slow.

Then, finally, she heard, "Thank you, Shikamaru." There was the sound of a hand clapping against something, maybe a forearm or shoulder. "I know what this means for you."

"It doesn't mean anything. I haven't committed any crime. I just decided this mission was too troublesome without backup," the Nara genius' voice replied in its usual annoyed tones. The scrape and scuff of sandals pushing against bark could be heard, and then the tap-tap of feet against wood resumed, echoing farther and farther away.

Sakura immediately struggled against Kabuto when the sound had completely faded. She turned blindly in his arms to shove against the barrier keeping her inside and her hands scrabbled at the malleable material, trying to claw her way out if need be. Her pulse was hammering now, the blood rushing in her ears, causing her to beat her fists against the wall, far too gone in her panic to remember her chakra-induced strength.

"Sakura, calm down," Kabuto's voice rumbled behind her but she couldn't. Her heart felt as though it was ready to burst and the terror she was feeling threatened to consume her. She was thirty seconds away from screaming when Kabuto finally pushed her through the wall with a gentle shove. She emerged onto the rough bark of the massive branch, falling to her hands and knees, wheezing. She was a trained medic and that meant that she should know what was transpiring, but there was no explanation for this sudden absence of breath and pain in her chest. It was very nearly a heart attack.

A cool hand touched her neck. In retrospect, she realized it felt icy in comparison to the heat radiating off of her skin. It was probing; she could feel the foreign chakra permeating her skin, trying its best to soothe her suddenly overactive chakra pathways. What was happening…her eyes snapped open as the realization hit her.

"The cursed seal," she bit out, gasping loudly.

"Yes," Kabuto said simply, kneeling at her side. He gripped her shoulder and turned her so that she could lie back against the cool bark, breathing heavily as she stared up at the canopy of leaves above them. "It must have activated once you left the palace. It's the reason you were able to outrun the Kyuubi in the first place."

"Stop it, please." Sakura pleaded as she saw his flickering visage through fluttering lashes. She was close to passing out. "It hurts, Kabuto."

His hands were out of her field of vision but she felt their cold brand nestle between her clothing and skin and inch up her torso. "Orochimaru-sama won't like it," he said resigned. "But I guess it can't be helped." The hands moved a little to the side along her ribcage, and she noticed his eyes were closed. Had he already formed the seals for suppression?

He must have, because the agony that erupted from his pressed palms and into her body hurt almost as much as the application of the original seal. She gritted her teeth and arched her back to keep herself from screaming and thrashing. It was like a slow burning fire that rippled through her limbs and through every chakra point in her body, blooming behind her eyes and rushing out of her ears. It was agony, but it all happened within the span of twenty seconds and was soon enough over as Kabuto lifted his hand from her skin.

The tension and breath sighed out of her with the suppression of the seal. Her tensed muscles relaxed, and her back fell against the bark beneath her in relief. She could feel perspiration rolling down her temple, but she didn't care. The pain was gone.

Sakura looked up at Kabuto sleepily. Her energy was completely spent and she didn't even know how she was going to get out of the tree, much less make it back to Rain. Her voice was hoarse when she said, "I can't move."

"That's to be expected," Kabuto responded quietly, a quirk of a smile on his face. What the hell was so funny about her being unable to move?

"You're going to have to carry me back," she told him matter-of-factly, closing her eyes.

"I know."

"And then you're going to have to kill me." She opened an eye to gage his reaction, but he seemed unworried. She sighed and shut them again. Leave it to him to shrug off something so serious. "I think I'm going to pass out, Kabuto."

"I know."

"You don't care?"

"Why bother?"

She chuckled softly. This was the familiar banter she had come to expect from him. "You're an asshole."

"So you tell me."

She snorted quietly. "I'm sure everyone thinks it."

"Hurry up and pass out so we can leave."

"Fine," she whispered indignantly, already giving into the floating sensation…and did just that.

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_She was dying. She was more certain of that fact than she had ever been of anything._

_It was so quiet around her. Even the wildlife in the area refused to voice their presence in the aftermath of what they had just witnessed. She couldn't feel a breeze, lying on the ground as she was. She couldn't feel much of anything anymore except for the gaping hole in her abdomen. It was like a black hole, sucking the feeling and verve from her limbs, never to return again. She hadn't taken the full brunt of the attack though, which was why she was even still conscious and clinging to the fading vestiges of life now. The chidori was still a powerful attack, even if it had been aborted halfway through in shocked confusion. She hadn't moved out of the way. He had been so sure she was going to move out of the way. _Sasuke, you idiot_…_

_Her thoughts drifted to Naruto. Kakashi lead him away, assuring him that if they could catch up to Sai—who had gone after Sasuke with a single-minded intensity he rarely showed— they could easily defeat an injured Sasuke and come back and tend to Sakura. Sakura briefly wondered if Kakashi had used the Sharingan to convince Naruto to leave her, because the concept was ludicrous given her state. But her own words had probably done the trick. She had invoked an old promise, a shameful and naïve request that she had gotten from him at the tender age of twelve: '_I beg of you, please bring him…Please bring Sasuke back,' _she had told him so long ago._

_Naruto had fought under the banner of that promise for so long, it nearly eclipsed his longing to be Hokage. He had bled, suffered, cried, and lost, to fulfill that promise. And it was her fault. _

"_Well, isn't this surprising." The effort it took to open her eyes to that dry voice and focus on the figure peering over at her was monumental. But she met the hooded gaze of Kabuto of all people, complete with smug smirk and utterly pristine, flawless skin. In comparison, she must have looked like a corpse. She started to chuckle at the irony, but ended up choking on more blood. _

"_Is it?" she croaked out. Her lungs were weakening and filling fast with blood._

"_That you're still alive? Yes." The sun above them gave him the illusion of a halo. _

"_Come to… finish the job?" Precious air was being wasted on this conversation. But what did she have to lose, really?_

"_It doesn't look like I'll have to. You're lungs are damaged. It's only a matter of time." _

"_I…" and here she coughed so hard that she tasted a thick coating of blood on her tongue, "may be dying… but I'm a medic. I…know." _

"_A bad medic, you mean," he said, stooping down to eye the wound. "If you were any good, you'd have devoted most of your training to being able to heal yourself in battle. Everything else after that is easy and comes naturally."_

_Sakura used the small amount of energy she had left to glare up at him. Preposterous! She was dying, and here he was giving her a lecture about how to be a better medic. His arrogance was unbelievable._

"_Could you…please…shut up…and let me… die…in peace?" She was fading fast, but she managed to give a little huff of annoyance._

"_You aren't afraid to die?" The smirk was gone._

"_It's…too late…for that. I'm…afraid…for Naruto."_

"_Sasuke won't kill him. He couldn't kill you, after all. Well, not on purpose." He reached out a hand to lie on her abdomen, though she couldn't feel it. _

"_What…?" Sakura quieted as she felt warm, healing chakra pulsing through her. He was healing her? _

"_Orochimaru-sama sent me to keep an eye on Sasuke, But he's also shown a passing interest in Tsunade's new protégé. Your little group is ripe with opportunity, Sakura. Who would have thought that scared little weakling back in the Chuunin Exams would ever make something of herself—"_

_Her hand gripped his wrist as tightly as she could, which wasn't tightly at all. He paused, barely surprised by her quick movement. She clenched her teeth with the effort, but managed to lift her head just a little bit to grit out, "Asshole."_

_Surprise did register on his face then, along with what looked like a genuine smile. Almost. Who knew what a real smile from Kabuto really looked like?_

"_Interesting…" he said in a curious fashion, and then darkness was swimming up to greet her._

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She awoke to the sound of haunting bird song warbling in the distance, and the sharp smell of the river. She rose immediately, propping herself up on her forearms as she scanned her surroundings with the instinct of one used to waking up in unfamiliar places. She was in a shallow cave of some sort, and she was alone. She shifted her body to lean back against the slightly damp rock of the cave.

Her mind quickly filled in the blanks. Fleeing Suna, encountering Kabuto in the forest, Naruto…She hastily moved on. The cursed seal, pain, sleep. And now Kabuto was nowhere in sight.

Or wasn't, until the bushes shook roughly thirty feet away from where she sat in the low-hanging entrance. She held her breath, regretting the loss of the hidden kunai she usually kept strapped to her thigh, but when she saw the pale legs disappearing beneath the short hem of shinobi pants, the casual stride, she knew it was Kabuto who had returned to her. The cave opening was too low to the ground for her to see his face, but it didn't take him long to reach her, drop a knee to the ground, and intone in a falsely cheerful greeting, "Good morning."

His mouth gave her his favorite counterfeit smile, very like Kakashi when he was making a joke at her expense. He held out two cleaned and gutted fish strung up on a wire for her to take. They were small, and if she remembered correctly, they were going to do a number on her stomach before the trip was over. "I'm afraid we can't risk a fire," he said, apologetically. "You'll have to eat them raw."

Sakura eyed the bitter-tasting fish in disgust, but nodded anyway. "You've already eaten?"

"Yes." He unfastened his water canteen and set it on the ground beside her. "I did a perimeter check. They've moved on, and if we're lucky they won't even realize that we've slipped by them until they reach Fire Country."

She chewed on a piece of raw fish and tried to focus on the sustenance she was receiving, rather than the taste. "But now they know where to search. You heard Shikamaru, he knew where I was headed. We'll have to relocate soon."

Kabuto gestured for her to move over as he climbed into the cave and settled himself uncomfortably against the wall in the cramped space. He smelled a bit like the river, but mostly he smelled warm, metallic, and like himself.

"I doubt it will come to that, Sakura," he said as leaned his head back against the rock and closed his eyes.

Sakura didn't like the dismissive quality in his tone. "I'm not sure I follow…"

His eyes opened and unerringly met hers. "Orochimaru won't run from the Kyuubi. In fact, he won't want to let him get away if it means keeping him from Akatsuki."

"But it won't just be Naruto. If they tell Tsunade, she'll send a team—probably several teams. "

"It won't be enough." It was said simply, but the despair Sakura felt was instantaneous.

"Konoha has defeated Orochimaru before. You're stupidly underestimating their skill."

"An entire shinobi village, Sakura. Tsunade won't be coming herself, and I doubt she'll send that many to investigate a _possibility_. If the Kyuubi comes near Orochimaru, he will die or be detained, just like Sasuke—".

"Shut up!" The sudden anger she felt was boiling up faster than she understood. "I won't let that happen. Orochimaru knows that I'm only here to protect Sasuke, as stupid as that may be. But I swear if he lays one finger on Naruto…"

A hand gripped her forearm lightening fast, and she was yanked forward suddenly, her fish forgotten and tumbling to the dirt floor. Kabuto held her against him, his dark blue eyes glaring down at her. He leaned forward and spoke into her ear. "Don't make promises that I'll have to make you regret, Sakura."

She pulled back a little to meet his eyes again, but she wasn't scared. All she felt was the inevitable acceptance of her fate, and a slightly curious, nervous feeling blossoming in a deep, hidden place inside her. Kabuto didn't _want_ to cause her harm. Her feelings and her heart would always belong to Naruto—she had come to that conclusion long ago, while laying on the cool floor of Orochimaru's dungeon, wondering just what the hell she was doing, why she had offered herself up to such a monster, and why he even cared. The only thing that ever seemed to inspire passion in her now, was the thought that Naruto needed to be kept away from all of this at all costs. But what did she feel for Kabuto? The camaraderie they have formed was odd, dysfunctional, and somehow tainted with hot, brief bouts of lust.

"Let go of me, Kabuto." His expression was still angry. _Angry…_had she ever seen this side of him? No. Sure, he loved to threaten her, intimidate her, but never had she seen his eyes like this, the pupils swallowing up the irises and his fine brow furrowed with emotion. _He cares_…she realized. Whatever small, human part of him that was separate from the atrocious, vicious things he did for Orochimaru, cared about her well-being. She didn't think she loved him, but she could admit to herself that she cared just the same. He was her partner in misery, though he never showed it. Maybe she was his conscious too. She raised a hand to his cheek and kissed his shocked mouth with ardent inspiration.

There had never been an awkward moment between them when they shared their bodies with one another. Quick, rough, sometimes sustaining injuries, but never awkward. Kabuto's finesse didn't allow for anything less. But this felt different. She was the one pushing him back and climbing atop him as she kissed him. Her hands were the ones roaming his body as he watched her every move. This was more than just a quick fuck in a forest before they went back to the routine. Maybe it had always been.

With every kiss, shudder, sigh, moan, and cry, her mind and body were whispering, _thank you_. _Thank you for caring. Thank you for thawing your heart just a little, even though it will never be enough. Thank you for not treating me like an afterthought. Thank you for accepting me as I am without judgment. _

This time, there were no tears.

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End Notes: Please, please, please let me know how I'm doing with this (insert more begging). I take it people are at least interested by the sheer number of alerts I've received, but I would love to know what people think of the story and my tampering of the characters. I just want to know if I should be laboring as hard as I am over it. Thanks for reading!!


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